One day at a time

Here in this great country, we are lucky to get up to 52 weeks of maternity (and yes, paternity) leave to spend with our babies. This is a far cry from the 6 weeks that some states in the US get. Like I needed one more reason besides George Bush to be glad I don't live there.

I looked back this week at exactly one year ago when I left my baby, then 18 months, for her first time without me at daycare. I had anticipated that first full day, replayed it over in my head, and always thought I'd be ok. Even though I knew my daughter was in a wonderful, loving daycare, that she needed the social interaction, the fun and let's face it, I needed to get back to work, it was the most difficult day of my life.

I was most certainly not ok. There were lots of tears. Lots. I felt like my heart was being torn into a million pieces and it was never going to get better. It was like the worst heartbreak ever but worse. My feelings and emotions were all over the place. I am entrusting these people with the most important job - caring for my child. More guilt, sadness, anxiety. None of these are happy, good feelings.

However, it did get better - one day at a time. She stopped crying when I left her. I stopped crying when I left her. She has made new friends - cute little kids just like her, she pees in the potty, she uses her manners. She has FUN. I have resumed some semblance of my previous pre-mommy existence and it is being perfectly balanced out by current mommy joys and I'm really ok.

I know some of you will be/are going through the same thing. It's tough. Very tough. Don't minimize how difficult this is. I guarantee your spouses/partners will empathize, but really, they never truly understand. They can't.

Please take my meagre advice: Don't worry. Don't beat yourself up about leaving them. Each day will be a little better than the last. They will realize that you do return, you do love them and that you'll never ever really leave them. Even if they can't tell you now, they will. The message that our daycare gave my daughter each day "Mommy leaves, but Mommy always comes back". She still tells me that to this day. And it couldn't be more true.

Swiper, no swiping! Swiper, no swiping!

Every toddler just loves Dora the Explorer. If you don't know who that is you obviously don't know anyone under the age of 5.

Aside from the fact that Dora always seems to be yelling, it is a very cute little show. It teaches kids Spanish, counting, songs and it's got a whole bunch of PhD's behind the content, language development and blah blah blah. What is also has is a villain. That villain is named Swiper.

Swiper is quite the bully. He jumps in and out of Dora's life and keeps stealing her things. He not only takes them, but flings them to far off places. Dora then needs to find them just to continue with her exploring. How annoying is that? Sometimes she can ward him off, but most times he just walks up to her and takes whatever he wants. Anything really - rope, necklace, star pockets. She really needed that rope - to get the necklace you flung on top of Star Mountain! Geeze. What's WITH this guy?

In the end, Dora always finds the things Swiper has stolen. She's very resourceful. She's got a map, helpful stars, a seemingly endless supply of trinkets in her backpack. The moral here being: Even if some lousy bastard bothers you and takes your things, just use your friends and your resources to get them all back. And she does.

The problem I have with all this is that my daughter thinks that Swiper is going to come and swipe HER things. She says:

"I don't want Swiper to swipe my my stuff. That sneaky fox."

And I have to explain, "Swiper is only on TV. He will never come and swipe your things". How many other 2 year olds in this world think the same thing? Hopefully she understands all this. I think so. She still wants to watch Dora, we still sing the songs. I guess it's just one of those life lessons that you learn at 2.

Get to know your friends

It's that time of the year again where I inevitably get forwarded one of those e-mails with all the questions. Every once in a while I actually feel like answering it and that time is right now. I've decided to get all high-tech and post it here instead of spamming my friends. How nice of me.

If you're so inclined, answer them, post on your blog. I'd like to see what you come up with.

Note: This is a really long one. I may lose you at #23 but really, it's worth getting down to #56.

1. What time did you get up this morning? 7:06 AM.
2. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds, of course, don't be silly
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Madagascar. I know, I don't get out much.
4. What's your favorite TV show? Seinfeld
5. What did you have for breakfast today? My hubby made me pancakes. Special treat on a school day.
6. What's your favorite cuisine? Thai and Italian
7. What food do you dislike? Anything that had a mother
8. What is your favorite chip flavor? Ruffles plain, and salt and vinegar for medicinal purposes (I dare you to ask)
9. What if your favorite cd at the moment? Broken Social Scene
10. What kind of car do you drive? What I lovingly refer to as 'every man's car' 2002 Nissan Altima. If you want to lose your car in a parking lot, buy this one.
11. Favorite sandwich? Eggplant sandwich from Mustachios in St. Lawrence Market
12. What characteristics do you despise? People who are cheap. Damn, I hate you people
13. Favorite item of clothing? Fluffy scarf. Really, it's a stretch but does "anything with drawstrings" count here?
14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go? China
15. What color is your bathroom? Blue
16. Favorite brand of clothes? Old Navy (you have to sing it like the commercial)
17. Where would you retire? Victoria.
18. What is your favourite time of day? When I fall asleep and get to stay asleep
19. What was your most memorable birthday? My last one.
20. Where were you born? Mississauga, ON, but don't tell anyone please.
21. Favorite sport to watch? Hockey. And lacrosse. And Grey Cup.
22. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? Whoever.
23. Person you expect to send it back first? Dunno!
24. What's your favorite laundry detergent? Tide Free
25. Were you named after anyone? Yes, my grandmother Giovannina.
27. When did you last cry? When I saw that damn Tim Hortons commercial with the Asian grandfather and his son and grandson playing hockey. Damn these people, can't you just sell me coffee?
28. Do you like your handwriting? Oh sure, but when was the last time you actually handwrote something?
29. If you were another person would YOU be friends with you? Sure.
30. Are you a daredevil? No. Unless you count becoming a mother.
31. Do looks matter? Are you a supermodel? Then yes, otherwise get over yourself.
32. How do you release anger? When, where and at whom? It all depends
33. Where is your second home? Nowhere.
34. What class in High School was totally useless? Chemistry - blah
35. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Me? Nevvver
36. Favorite movie? I hate movies
37. What are your nicknames? VanWinkle
38. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? No
39. Do you think that you are strong? Strong minded, yes. Strong willed, yes. I can also carry a 30lb toddler up and down the stairs several times a day.
40. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? Vanilla
41. What are your favorite colors? Grey and brown.
42. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? I pick my cuticles! AGH!
43. Who do you miss the most? My grandfather.
44. Do you want everyone to send this back? Post a comment if you even get down to this question, geeze this is long.
45. What color pants are you wearing? PJ's
46. What are you listening to right NOW? Nada
47. Last thing you ate? Ryvita cracker with cream cheese
48. If you were a crayon what color would you be? Crayola Carnation Pink.
49. Last person you talked to on the phone? My mom.
50. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Face
51. What's your favorite drink? Lemonade
52. Do you wear contacts? Nope. 20/20 vision, baby
53. Favorite day of the year? August 26
54. Scary Movies or Happy Endings? Happy endings.
55. Summer or Winter? Winter (when we're talking Olympics, which we weren't but anyways)
56. Hugs or Kisses? Hugs
57. What is your favorite dessert? Yum, dessert. I'll pick apple streudel with ice cream (vanilla)
58. What book are you currently reading? Do magazines count?
59. What's on your mouse pad? "The Globe and Mail - A partner in building your business"
If you actually got this far, you either are related to me or just read the first two and the last two. Don't worry, I'd do the same thing.

A reply to "The trumpet and the toothbrush"

This is the actual reply from Fry Orthodontics in Kansas City, MO. I think I may actually contact her for a toothbrush. Will the REAL Dr. Robert W. Fry please stand up?

Dear Dagmar,

Each day brings new surprises and I have to admit, your story is unlike any I've ever heard. It's so great that you were able to find us with a Google search. You'll be interested to know that we have, indeed, imprinted give-away toothbrushes with Dr. Robert W. Fry, however it would have been more recent than the dates you are referring to. Dr. Fry began practicing orthodontics in 1977 as part of a group practice (at that time both doctors' names would have been on the toothbrushes). He started his own practice 10 years later in 1987.

So if the toothbrush is from our office, it would have been sometime between 1987 to probably the mid-1990's when we switched from imprinting our toothbrushes with just his name to imprinting them with "Fry Orthodontics".

I hope this information is helpful to you. If you know anyone in Kansas City (KS or MO) who needs a new toothbrush - please let us know, we'd be happy to provide a replacement. We send our best wishes to your brother, Tom and his renewed hobby.

Thanks for brightening our day!

Warmest Regards,
Yvonne Graf, R.D.H., General Manager
Fry Orthodontic Specialists
Kansas City, Missouri

The trumpet and the toothbrush - can you help?

This was originally sent as a real email by my friend and colleague Dagmar. This is a true story. The names have not been changed to protect the innocent.

Dear Dr. Fry,

I am writing from Toronto, Canada, to solve a mystery that has recently come to light. My brother, Tom, who is now 48 years old, recently decided to take up his trumpet again, which he started playing at around age 12. In doing so, he found the trumpet sounding rather muted, so called up my brother-in-law, David, a musician, to query why the trumpet might be sounding dull. David asked Tom if he had ever cleaned the trumpet to which my brother answered no, and so naturally this was David's advice. Tom cleaned the trumpet and what he found deep inside the bell was an unbelievable surprise - a toothbrush! - translucent green, 6-sided and beveled - with the printing: "Prevent 35" on one side, and "Dr. Robert W. Fry" imprinted in white on the other.

There are no Dr. Robert W. Fry's in our area, nor in Canada for that matter, so hence a Google search and finding you!

The trumpet was purchased from the somewhere in the U.S. around 1972. My thoughts...Either the trumpet came with the toothbrush, or someone put it in there during Tom's high school band trip to Michigan in 1974, or...the young man (a fellow high school band mate in Hamilton, Ontario) whom my brother lent his trumpet to, lost the toothbrush in there (the trumpet was returned to my brother with a dent!).

Any clues to solving this mystery if in fact you are the Robert W. Fry..?

Thanks for your help and any insights you might have!

Best regards,
Dagmar

1994 Weekend

Ah, 1994. Those were good times. This past weekend on 102.1 The Edge they paid tribute to 1994 with what was oh-so-appropriately called 1994 Weekend. They posed the question "What is your favourite album from 1994?" and it got me thinking....there were LOTS of great albums from that year.

Here's what was listed on The Edge and the results from the online poll:

• NIN - Downward Spiral
• SOUNDGARDEN - Superunknown
• OASIS - Definitely Maybe
• OFFSPRING - Smash
• BEASTIE BOYS - Ill Communication
• NIRVANA - unplugged
• GREEN DAY - dookie

I thought of some more (ok, ok, I googled some more...)

• Pearl Jam - Vitalogy
• Weezer - Weezer
• Beck - Mellow Gold
• Bush - Sixteen Stone
• Blur - Parklife
• Stone Temple Pilots - Purple
• Tragically Hip - Day for Night

My vote? Who can pick just one? Weezer's aptly named 'blue album' is one of my all time favourites, I also love Beastie Boys, and Sabotage is the greatest video ever. Today, I'll pick Weezer, but I get to change my vote later if I want.

What else happened in 1994: I couldn't remember, so I looked it up

Movies: Speed (geeze, was that '94?) and one of my faves (I hate most movies except this one) Muriels Wedding.

Olympics were in Lillehammer, Norway and Canada won a record number of medals - 13 in total.

John Candy died, BC Lions won the Grey Cup, Buffalo Bills lose the Superbowl to Dallas Cowboys

On TV, ER debuts, so does Friends

And who could forget OJ Simpson and his white Ford Bronco.

Ah, it feels like only yesterday...

Why didn't I think of this?

It's one of those 'mom ideas' that I really should have thought of. I'm smart enough, hip enough but perhaps those two virtues did not work in tandem with each other. I don't even think one knows the other exists. But I digress...

It's called the Family Dance Party and it's being held at the Drake Hotel on Feb. 25 here in Toronto. Some Toronto mom hipsters (see, it should have been me) decided that they didn't want to lose their pre-baby social scene (and trust me, you do) so they came up with a night (or afternoon in this case) for a dance party where you can bring the kids. It's at 2pm, there will be martinis for the adults and milk and cookies for the kids. Parents get to dance, kids can dance. It is going to be fun, I can just feel it! [Editors Note: Unfortunately I will not be at the inaugural Family Dance Party. I'll be on a proper vacation in warm climes. I'll likely need a couple of martinis upon my return, but that's an entirely different story.]

A few other cool things I found to do with kids that I might actually do this Sunday but aren't nearly as cool as the Family Dance Party:
Harbourfront Zoom! Family Sundays
AGO Family Fun