One day at a time

Here in this great country, we are lucky to get up to 52 weeks of maternity (and yes, paternity) leave to spend with our babies. This is a far cry from the 6 weeks that some states in the US get. Like I needed one more reason besides George Bush to be glad I don't live there.

I looked back this week at exactly one year ago when I left my baby, then 18 months, for her first time without me at daycare. I had anticipated that first full day, replayed it over in my head, and always thought I'd be ok. Even though I knew my daughter was in a wonderful, loving daycare, that she needed the social interaction, the fun and let's face it, I needed to get back to work, it was the most difficult day of my life.

I was most certainly not ok. There were lots of tears. Lots. I felt like my heart was being torn into a million pieces and it was never going to get better. It was like the worst heartbreak ever but worse. My feelings and emotions were all over the place. I am entrusting these people with the most important job - caring for my child. More guilt, sadness, anxiety. None of these are happy, good feelings.

However, it did get better - one day at a time. She stopped crying when I left her. I stopped crying when I left her. She has made new friends - cute little kids just like her, she pees in the potty, she uses her manners. She has FUN. I have resumed some semblance of my previous pre-mommy existence and it is being perfectly balanced out by current mommy joys and I'm really ok.

I know some of you will be/are going through the same thing. It's tough. Very tough. Don't minimize how difficult this is. I guarantee your spouses/partners will empathize, but really, they never truly understand. They can't.

Please take my meagre advice: Don't worry. Don't beat yourself up about leaving them. Each day will be a little better than the last. They will realize that you do return, you do love them and that you'll never ever really leave them. Even if they can't tell you now, they will. The message that our daycare gave my daughter each day "Mommy leaves, but Mommy always comes back". She still tells me that to this day. And it couldn't be more true.